Who or whom? There’s an easy way to know, without needing to know about subjects, objects, and prepositions.
Use who whenever you would use he
Who should be used as the subject of a sentence, in the same way you would use the word he. Take this example:
(Who/whom) just texted you?
Now answer that question by turning it into a statement and substitute either he or him. You wouldn’t say, “him just texted me,” right? Of course not. You’d say, “he just texted me.” If the right word in the alternate sentence is he, then you use who.
Correct: Who just texted you?
Use whom whenever you would use him
Whom is the object of a verb or preposition. But the easy way to figure it out is to turn the question into a statement and substitute he or him again. If you would use him in the alternate sentence, then go with whom.
(Who/whom) did you ask?
Turning the question into a statement, we have either “You asked he” or “You asked him.” Obviously, you asked him, right? Therefore, we use whom.
Correct: Whom did you ask?
More examples
1. (Who/whom) ate my cookie? →
- He ate my cookie.
- Him ate my cookie.
Correct: Who ate my cookie?
2. (Who/whom) are you meeting with? →
- I am meeting with he.
- I am meeting with him.
Correct: Whom are you meeting with?
Note: One of the main reasons there’s confusion around who and whom is because in conversational English, we tend to end sentences in prepositions, which isn’t grammatically correct (though I argue it’s acceptable in copywriting). So if we were being formal, the sentence should actually read “With whom are you meeting?“
3. You emailed (who/whom)? →
- I emailed he.
- I emailed him.
Correct: You emailed whom?
Note: You could also phrase this, “To whom did you send the email?” or, “you sent that email to whom?” or, “with whom did you email?” See above.
4. (Who/whom) is she dating? →
- She is dating he.
- She is dating him.
Correct: Whom is she dating?
5. (Who/whom) will write the podcast notes? →
- He will write the podcast notes.
- Him will write the podcast notes.
Correct: Who will write the podcast notes?
Test yourself
Won’t I sound pretentious if I use whom?
It’s entirely possible. But there’s a reason I think it’s important to know the difference between who and whom. It’s the same reason I think writers should know proper grammar in the first place: In copywriting, it’s absolutely fine to flout the rules. But you should be aware that you’re doing it.
Consciously keeping your copy conversational rather than grammatically correct should be a choice. Otherwise, it’s a mistake. And readers can often tell.
Recently, when I shared a blog for my client PickFu on social media, I posed the question, “Whom should you poll?” I kept it grammatical because I think it’s slightly jarring — in a good way. It calls attention to itself by sounding slightly off to our American English-speaking ears. And just that split second where a reader does a double-take can mean more engagement on your articles.
Want more grammar help?
If you’re interested in improving your grammar skills, I recommend installing Grammarly. This free browser addition instantly proofreads your texts for correct grammar and punctuation. I wrote about Grammarly and three other helpful writing apps that I use here.
Also published on Medium.