Over the course of 2017, I endured the separate and unexpected deaths of three friends. Since these losses, I’ve done more than my fair share of mourning. But I’m lucky in one regard: I work for myself. When I needed to, I could step out of my home office, throw myself into bed and uncontrollably weep.

Most employees aren’t that fortunate. They must contend with their grief while continuing to work among others. Here are my ideas for how their employers can support them:

Know that relationships are not one-size-fits-all.

Many companies offer three to five days of paid bereavement leave, depending on the familial relationship. In one of the most generous corporate policies, Facebook announced last year that it would give employees up to 20 days of paid leave to grieve an immediate family member and up to 10 days to grieve an extended family member.

These benefits are a show of goodwill on the part of the employer. However, as no two families are alike, the grief endured by a person may not directly correlate to how closely related she is to the deceased. Consider a person raised by a grandparent, a person who loses a significant but unmarried other or a person estranged from his family who finds his own circle among close friends. In my own case, I was far closer to my friend who died than I am to members of my immediate family.

While I understand the reasoning behind a tiered paid time off policy, be flexible. Stay sensitive to the fact that not all loved ones are blood relations. If necessary, allow the employee to take personal days or unpaid time off beyond whatever allotment you define.

Remember: Grief has no timeline.

Managers understand well that the employee’s work schedule will be affected immediately following a death. But mourning continues long after a person is laid to rest. There are logistical concerns, such as executing a will or handling possessions. Holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and personally relevant dates can be especially hard. Even if months have passed since bereavement began, there is no amount of time where the grieving person will be “over it” and completely move on. Loss lingers.

Don’t tiptoe around loss.

Grief is unpredictable. It manifests differently in everyone: as sadness, anger, stress, hopelessness, irritability or even uncomfortable laughter. When someone asks me how I am, the honest answer is that it depends on the day. Some employees will be unable to work for a time. Others will find comfort in the routine — a shred of normalcy in a world that has been turned upside down.

What you don’t want your team to do is turn mourning itself into an unspoken issue that festers. Have the employee’s supervisor have a one-to-one chat, or send a discreet email to open a channel of communication to address how best to support the employee. Even if a manager’s intentions are good, unilaterally re-assigning projects or decreasing an employee’s customer interaction when she returns to work might be interpreted as punishing the employee for grieving.

Respect personal time.

When an employee takes a day off to attend services or to grieve privately, he shouldn’t have to deal with responding to phone calls or work emails. No one knows when the unexpected will happen, so have contingency plans in place wherever possible so that the employee doesn’t feel as though work will come to a screeching halt in her absence. Keep the employee copied in ongoing email threads, but make it clear that no response is required while away.

Ask employees for help.

Grief over the loss of a loved one is hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t personally endured it. Before last year, I didn’t understand it. Even when I tried to be sympathetic when others were mourning, I know I said and did things that didn’t help, and I know I didn’t say nor do things that might have. When addressing your company bereavement policy, get perspectives from as many employees as you can. This input will help you build a plan that works for your organization and the people who power it.

This column originally appeared on Forbes.

As an interesting aside, in my research, I found that companies like Salesforce, Mars, Inc. and Kimpton hotels offer paid leave for the loss of a pet. As the owner of an aging dog, I can completely understand how devastating a loss that may be.

Kim Kohatsu
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Also published on Medium.